TWHL - The Trans-World Hockey League

TWMHL - The Trans-World Minor Hockey League; The TWHL's Farm system

PR - Press Release. THE GLUE that hold the TWHL's fabric together!
For examples, see: http://www.thetwhl.com/News/teamnewsindex.htm

PRB's - Press Release Bonus points, awarded for writing PR's.


TC's - Training Camps. These can be used to randomly upgrade the Central Scouting
Ratings of a TWHL player. The worse the player is before the TC, the better chance
of more dramatically improving their skill set.

HS - Historical Superstar; every TWHL team has one!

HS Frank Mahovlich!

MMB - Abbreviated form of Millionaire Mark Burgess, LA Wolves Press Correspondent

F.A.R.T.S. - Non-profit charity society started by The Vancouver Greenpeace to
"give lost cases another chance", as stated by The Society Director with FARTS,
retired Greenpeace player Josef Marha. Aaron Downey was the 1st official member
with FARTS. FARTS were introduced to The TWHL fans following a Burritos game.

 F.A.R.T.S.
   Freedom Attained for Retarded Talent Society
   A Non-profit Charitable Organization affiliated with
    The Vancouver Greenpeace - Josef Marha, Director

Other members with FARTS have included Alex Khavanov, Martin Rucinsky and Denis Hamel, to name but a few of the losers FARTS have embraced!

BMB - Abbreviated form of Billionaire Mark Burgess, LA Wolves Press Correspondent
(He remains under scrutiny as to just where he got all that extra money... or even
if it exists!?!) Recent investigations by media in Chicago uncovered a supposed
"secret identity" of BMB, that none other than Big Mountain Bubba!

C.A.R. - Stands for "Commissioner's Approval Rating", as described below:


BOB's - Abbreviated form for the Bag-O-Beer 3 star selections founded by Ratz GM
Peter Nilsson, based on former Chicago GM Andreas' suggestion that he pay a debt
with "a bag of beer". Swedes: Gotta love the girls, gotta wonder about the guys?!?

T-W Cup - Simply, short form of The Trans-World Cup, The TWHL's Playoffs
Championship trophy

EWHL - Juss Dooit creation: "Easton World Hockey League"

GFL - Goddamn Fuckers List, a list kept by the LA Wolves, occassionaly updated based on
current League goings-on.

CUP-SIAM - The TWMHL's Playoffs Championship Trophy, as in: The Cup for a Song In
A-Minor League

MIA - Missing In Action: Refers to a GM who proclaims to be "active" in The TWHL, yet
is often no-where to be seen; or, a GM who was active, but suddenly vanishes without
a trace. Poster-boys for the 1st catagory are two former Moscow GM's (something about
the climate, I guess!) Andrei and Scott, while other examples include past GM's of
Chicago (Andreas), Cape Town (Steve), Cairo (Jon), Havana (Dave) and Singapore
(Michelle). Poster-boy for catagory 2 is George, former GM of Prague and Vancouver,
while other examples could include previous GM's of New York (Corwin), Berlin (Kevin),
Hong Kong (Lee) and Santiago (pick one!)

Trout Slap - Fish, with which you slap your fellow GM's around with as often as
possible, especially during the Off-season Drafts on mIrc!

Former Cape Town GM Steve (famous for refusing to

give his team player's uniforms to wear during

games) is seen here practicing "trout slapping" on
one of his RW's in South Africa, while on the way
to the airport for a flight to a TWHL Entry Draft!

Hated - Often used to refer to the Taipei Typhoons team

Trade Rape - To blatantly win a lopsided trade against another GM

Despised - Often used to refer to the Tokyo Dragons team


Superduperstacked - Often used to refer to the Stockholm Ratz team

Frosted Flakes - The unofficial nickname of the Vancouver Greenpeace franchise.


Anarchy - the normal state of things in Hong Kong and Santiago. The HK team holds
the record for most different GM's / Owners of any TWHL Franchise: 10, in only 8
Seasons of play! The Santiago franchise comes a close 2nd, with 9!

must endure while playing in The Trans-World Hockey League. An example below:


Division Of Champions - Refers to The Ali Division of The TWHL; teams from The Ali
won the 1st four Trans-World Cups, and five of the 1st six T-W Cups.

The African Cup - Championship awarded to the Regular Season series winner
between the Cairo and Capetown franchises

Ugliest Third Jerseys Ever - LA Wolves's original third jerseys were widely accepted
as this. Now used as an example such as: "He/she is even uglier than the ugliest
third jerseys ever!"

The Taipei Incident - During investigations regarding a possible conspiracy between
League Headquarters and The Typhoons and Greenpeace franchises, an "explosive"
incident took place in Taipei that didn't prove anything definitively, but Typhoons
GM Easton was caught "red-handed" with evidence that certainly hinted at connections

between GM Easton and Vancouver's Farm team in Trondheim, Norway:

Typhoons GM Easton is caught "red-handed" with the innards of
a Norwegian whale in downtown Taipei; circumstantial, but... ???

Trade Fascists - The TWHL Trade Review Board

Whipping Boys - Another list kept by The Los Angeles Wolves and referred to in PR's

TWHL Whipping Boy - A.K.A. Eric "Mommy! Nip-nip, suck-suck" Lindros

Lindros: Poster boy for everything pathetic

Cereal Bowl - Unofficial name of former Vancouver Greenpeace home arena, The Mount
Seymour Salmon Hatchery, as coined by Los Angeles Press

Dry Rape - A very uneven trade; even worse that just a rape. An unlubed rape would
be a synonym. The Trade Fascists try not to allow these to occur very often

Rantings - Sums up lots of emails that come out when rules are discussed

Mushrooms - The Toronto Maple Leafs drug of choice, if they have the choice

Mooloolaba Cup - Tournament of Champions of some kind created by The Melbourne
Situationists; with some vague rules. They read as such:

1. Melbourne management will give it out whenever they feel like it.
2. Results will only be announced after the fact, so the other team
   won't even know they've been playing for it.
3. It is highly unlikely that anyone other than The Melbourne Situationists
   will ever win it.
4. Really highly unlikely.

The Cup was stolen ("cupnapped"), or at least porported to have been, by a faction
claiming to be Mooloolaba Freedom Fighters Against Mooloolaba being "cupped", and
disappeared, apparently deep in a Central American jungle, for some time. This was
however never verrified, and denied by Melbourne management, who insisted that a
spitoon had been stolen by mistake, when they produced what appeared to be a
Mooloolaba Cup (though soon after, the Cup was removed from active competition, and
no one has ever been able to verrify its authenticity. Treasure hunters the Trans-
World over remain convinced that the REAL Mooloolaba Cup remains lost in a Panamanian
jungle waiting to be rediscovered!)

Fellowship of Crap Teams - Conspiracy developed by REALLY BAD TEAMS during The Free
Agency Draft, that has had mixed results. The effectiveness is dependant on ALL the
REALLY BAD TEAMS participating and sticking to the plan; usually some don't, ending
in conspiracies within conspiracies! The goal of The Fellowship seems to be forcing
the better teams out of The FA Draft as early as possible

Shake Trade - Trade made simply for the sake of giving the team a SHAKE to their
roster's ratings

Contract Trade - Trade made simply due to players contract lengths, as GM's attempt
to balance their Contracts List to most effectively control their Free Agency losses

Noon Noose - Melbourne Situationists mystery weapon. Now retired. 'Fictitious Literary
Device' The Noose was developed primarily as a defence against The Taipei Typhoons'
regular WHOMPINGS of Melbourne, and subsequent write-ups in the Taipei Press, called
"The Noon Noos" at the time. The Noon Noose started to become so effective a
psychological literary device that The Typhoons even hired Sergio Leone's "the man
with no name" from the "Good-Bad-Ugly" trilogy of films as a sniper aiming to snip
the Noose from its "Hang 'em High" branches. Further ramifications of The Noose saw
Taipei change its Press Releases from "The Noon Noos" to "The Noon Nooz" in an
attempt to shake the wretched curse! 

Limp Pussy Rule - The rule that allows players to be suspended simply for picking
up a certain amount of PiM's in one game; this obviously ain't The ECHL!

Dragon Clause - The limiting of Streaks & Slumps is referred to as the Dragon Clause,
as first coined by Juss Dooit. It's generally theorized that limiting S&S is more
beneficial to the strongest teams, by not allowing the weaker teams to maximize their
chances for positive End-of-Season Rerates; the strong teams can't get much stronger,
while the weaker teams can only get weaker

Stacked - A very talented team on paper

Superstacked - Usually used to refer to Stockholm Team. Great team on paper

Superduperstacked - The Stockholm Ratz

Dipsomania - Singapore Press guy Juss Dooit coined it for The Singapore Dipsomaniacs
march to the TWHL2 T-W Cup championship

Top 10 Lists - Occassional "Deep Thoughts" by Jimmy Waite

Assclown - Idiot, fool, prone to bad decisions. Was often used to refer to former
London GM Ryan; no idea of the origins or the term?!?

Cathode Ray Tube Blindness - Disease caused by TWHL play.

The Jason Imperative - A directive handed down by the powers that be'd in the
early-goings of The TWHL, which suggested the following: NO REFERENCES TO THE W.W.F.,
its PERSONALITIES, or its EXISTENCE should be connected with The Trans-World Hockey
League, for reasons of good taste. This had since extended to the multitude of
spin-offs of The WWF, and any "pro" wrestling of such horrid afront to mankind's
sensibilities. It should be noted that current Chicago GM James may well be in
violation of this imperative, and could be subject to subsequent ramifications by
League Headquarters should he not alter his team's Staff list ASAP!!!

Identity Crisis - Disease caused by TWHL play.

'Phoons Phans - Season ticket holders of The Taipei Typhoons at The Taipei Fine Arts
Centre: Abstract Wing, and members of an exclusive club of die-hard Typhoons fanatics!

Loss of Girlfriend - Disease caused by TWHL play.

The China Syndrome - Most accepted definition of the test of runnijng a billion or
more seasons when you have nothing better to do. Has been done by at least a few
TWHL GM's as they search for an edge by understanding the tendancies of The HLS2
Simulator. The term refers to the idea of a computer "meltdown", and has no conection
to The TWHL Headquarters in Taiwan, Republic of China!

Homo-erotic Fantasies of Fellow GM's - Disease caused by TWHL play.

Loss of Job - Disease caused by TWHL play. The esteemed Commissioner of The TWHL has
probably suffered most from this dibilitating disease, and we all pray for him...

Failure of Grades In School - Disease caused by TWHL play. Especially former London
GM Ryan, former Rio GM Jason and Toronto GM Pat have had the worst cases of this
affliction

It has been accepted that previous Rio de Janeiro GM Jason was
"forced" into retirement in order to acheive his goal of Graduation,
aproximately 9 1/2 years after entering college... it's also
generally accepted that to place education above The TWHL could only
be the act of a mad-man, and thus removes all responsibility of Jason's
9 1/2 years of student fees Jason may claim from the hands of The TWHL!

Personalities

Bugger Twins - First used by former Singapore PR Man, Juss Dooit; refers to former

Tokyo GM Magnus and Taipei GM Easton

Dr. Ruth - This Vancouver Team Doctor has written "The Bible" of hockey injuries used
by trainers throughout the TWHL!


The Taipei Tighties - The cheerleading squad of The Taipei Typhoons, often turned to
on lonely nights in the event of a previous notation (See: "Loss Of Girlfriend"). The
Tighties were originally The Vancouver  Greenpeace Greenskeepers, before that
franchise changed ownership, and they jumped en masse to Taiwan.
Check out The Tighties!

Tony the Tiger - Used to refer to former Vancouver GM Tiger Teacher

Camels - Beasts of burden that are close friends to Jimmy Waite, and a burden to
The TWHL

This L.A. Wolves supporting camel was apparently the victim
of being too close to a Cairo Pharoahs tail-gate party!

Cheeseheads - Stockholm Ratz fan club members!


Jimmy Waite - Cult hero, former TWHL netminder, Los Angeles "Man Friday", who
has pretty much worked in every position of the team's staff. Currently employed
in their Press Department


Jason Stein - original Rio GM. Significance? See: "Pulling a Jason", "The Jason
Imperative" and "Failure of Grades In School"

Lasse Kinch - Oft suspended (not to mention commited), Stockholm Ratz Press
Correspondent; also a bumbling idiot

Kinch looking cool and calm; but inside his head is a bubbling
lava pool of inconceivable thoughts and wild accusations!

Inspector Clouseau - Kinch's alias

Dolly - The first sheep ever cloned. A national hero in Santiago, Chile
where her image was emblazened on The Santiago Sheepherders team jersey!

The Shoebottom Cup - Instigated by a "That GM's a CRACK-HEAD" comment from

out of the Indian Sub-Continent, and initiated by a rebuttal challenge from
La Belle Provence, this is the trophy that goes to the winner of the Season

Series between Calcutta and Montreal.

Frank'n'Furter - Nickname For Adam Foote

           A.K.A. Adam Foote

Billy Tibbets - Convicted rapist now playing for Moscow. Former enforcer of Taipei,
where he named their personal team charter Concorde jet "Hurricane Sally", after
a girl he once knew in the back of a minor league bus...


Con-Man - Nickname for Tibbets: Billy "The Con-Man" Tibbetts

Ha-Ha - Vancouver's Andrei "Ha-Ha" Nikolishin's nickname, acquired while playing
7 seasons for The Greenpeace
 As one of the greatest players in TWHL
history, Nikolishin often has had the "last laugh"; including
hi final harrah, a Trans-World Cup with The Taipei Typhoons in
TWHL9, before announcing his retirement!

TWHL Central Scouting - The secretive scouting combine that sets the player's
Ratings each season. Sometimes GM's are not always happy with their decisions,
which can not always be predicted accurately!

5 Humped Purple Camels - A Jimmy Waite creation; a super breed of camels


Crazy Albanian - also known as wnt, TWHL resident mIRC guru

Gary Coupal - TWMHL correspondent, sometime LA reporter. Lives in a dark basement
and appreciates the violent aspects of hockey

Killer - Coupal's nickname

Aaron "Down's" Downey - The league retard and Captain of The TWHL's Special
Olympics Commitee. Nicknamed after his Down's Syndrome by Vancouver Press,
and the original founding member of F.A.R.T.S.

Downey, with his "never say you're down's
and out" attitude, shows up for yet ANOTHER
Vancouver training camp, hoping to make the
team yet again!

PAF - Poor Aces Fan; the most loyal and vocal of the 12 former London Aces fans. London
has since become The Knights. No word on this changing to "PKF" ???

Bash/Bruise Brothers - Nickname for Keith Tkachuk and Todd Bertuzzi when
they played together

Woohoo! - Used in many different ways, replaces: Yes! Good! Great! What an
excellent result! Etc.

Buhu - Used to replace that sucks, bites, bad thing, or also to pretend you care
about a stacked team's recent problem

Crapola - Meaning big pile of crap / untruth / exaggeration / deception; sums up
petty arguments well too

Doh! - Saying signifying "Boy, did I just screwed up!"